PARTICIPATING IN YOUR CASE

Be an active participant in your case. This means doing research, keeping good notes and records, stating your opinions, directing your strategy, etc. No one knows your family history, your needs or your children's needs better than you. You must be an active participant. It is imperative.

Often times, women do not participate in their cases for any, some or all of the following reasons:

a. they trust their attorneys

b. they falsely believe women always get custody of the children

c. they falsely believe that good mothers couldn't possibly lose custody

d. they think because they don't understand the law that their input is not helpful

e. that others will report abuses, neglect etc as required under the law

f. that therapists, doctors, evaluators, mediators, GALs, etc. can always be trusted to do what is truly in the children's best interests

g. that they aren't smart enough

h. that their attorneys will remember everything and work to their maximum potential

i. that they can put their case in God's hands. We don't mean to offend anyone as to the statement about God. We believe that reliance on your faith is important and will help you get through this horrible time, only that you have to help, too.

j. they trust their ex's intentions and statements

k. they think they are emotionally drained and don't have the strength to fight


In today's court and social climate, women can not enter family court naively.
Many moms were trusting on many of the above points, believing our justice system to be fair, impartial and objective. Even though some moms have reported actively participating up to and during their trial, it was not enough, as they didn't push their attorney hard enough. We can speak from personal experience--after years stuck in the court system and reading 1,000's of women's stories, and massive research on the subject, sometimes it is never enough.

Any woman in the midst of custody determinations must be vigilant in documenting her case and actively educating and assisting her attorney at every turn. She must be aware of political and social connections in her locale. It is unfortunate, but not only must you be wary of all of the above, but you must also watch your back with your own attorney. There are good ones out there, but many are either lax, afraid/intimidated by the other side & court personnel, lazy, or who-knows-what their other reasons were.